Peter's Fanfic
by soapfiction
Summary: Peter Griffin from Family Guy writes a Ranma fic. First in three part 'adult swim' series. Enjoy.


Peter Griffin from _Family Guy_ writes a Ranma fanfic. Like Carrotglace's old fics, I'm doing some; this is part one in a three part _adult swim_ series. Three characters from different shows will write Ranma fanfics. You can try and guess whom else I'm using, but don't bother suggesting: I've already decided.

And now, here's **Peter's Fanfic:**

Aw, geez, look at this town: it's freakin' worse than that place in Jersey. But hey, at least it's got strip malls without Disney Stores™.

Oh yeah, right. This is where our story begins. This guy Ranma- what the hell kinda' name is that?- anyway, he was sitting on the roof of one of those places where people like the Chinese guy from Cannonball Run practice beatin' people up. Heheheheheh (Trademark laugh). What kind of moron starts his morning by sittin' on his roof? So, he sat up there until one of the girls from inside told him to come down for breakfast.

And that's where things went bad. This chick he's supposed to marry, Akane- God, who the hell comes up with these names?- she made him some sort of grave concoction she called breakfast. It was worse than what Meg makes, or than what Lois made one time when she was trying out this new "Vegan" recipe. Still, she only tried to make him eat it, not anyone else. It's like they're supposed to get married soon, or something. Heh.

Anyway, the kid refused, saying "I ain't eating this crap!" And that's when she took out this huge hammer and knocked him outta' the hose with it. Heheheheheh. With a weapon like that, you'd think she had a phallic envy complex or something.

And Ranma landed in the nearby pond. Sweet! He changes into a chick! On the outside, I mean. Not like the time I had to go to a women's retreat. Dumb broads. Still, it's pretty ironic. I mean, look at him! He's got bigger jugs than his girlfriend! And he actually bragged about it, too! He said, "I'm better built than you'll ever be, Akane!" Heheheheheh. Yeah.

Of course, this pissed her off. Not like Boss Hogg-when-the-Duke Boys-get-away pissed off, I mean like Mr. T-when-his-van-gets-shot-up pissed off. That's _really_ pissed off.

But she didn't get to hit him. Cause' this nice Chinese chick with purple hair and a speech impediment comes running out of nowhere and latches onto him. She's all over him fleas were all over Brian two weeks ago! She kept saying this stuff no one understood while she kept hugging him. But he didn't take advantage of the situation; he just tried to run away! Either way, it was a pretty freakin' sweet sight!

So, she knocked him into the sky again. I mean, come on, try something else already! And Ranma started racing back! But by the time he got back, that Purple-People-Eater wannabe had messed with her head, and Akane no longer remembered her boyfriend! And the little bastard tried to make her remember! She ended up confusing him with Rama, Rumba, Ramen, and Rambo! Yeah, those movies were good. Except for the whole title thing. I mean, if they were gonna call the first movie "First Blood", why didn't they just call the sequels "Second Blood" and "Third Blood"? It's crazy, not like the Rocky movies. And about that, whatever happened to the guy who played Apollo Creed? And did you know that if you tried to say 'a parlor' with a cold, it'd sound like 'Apollo'?

Oh, right. The story. So, he tired to get her memory back. He even tried to play Cat and Mouse with that Chinese girl who thought she was a beauty product. But he ended up callin' his girl names like 'tomboy', and 'unsexy'. I mean, c'mon, where does this kid get this crap? That's not how you insult a broad. And besides, how about that Nabiki twat? If I wasn't so sure she was a lesbian, I'd say she was coming onto Ranma. Heheheheheh. Sweet!

Either way, she hit him again. Only this time, he flew all the way across town, and landed in some garbage bin. And four guys were waiting for him: a dumb kid who wears a billion bandannas and turns into a pig, a psycho who carries a wooden sword, a blind Crouching Tiger wannabe, and- eeewww! A smelly Hawaiian barber!

And things only got worse from there. No wonder this kid sucks, he- oh, crap! I'm missing _T.J. Hooker_! (Runs from his writing)

* * *

Well, there you have it. Oh, and Jackie Chan was the Chinese guy in _Cannonball Run_, just to let you know. Try and guess whom the next fic will be written by. Happy trails. 


End file.
